Couples jar chart ideas: forty sweet jars to fill together

Why couples love a jar chart

Most of us assume we know what our partner would pick. A jar chart tests that gently. Because each jar is filled from 0 to 5 rather than answered with yes or no, you get a picture of how much someone enjoys a thing, which is the detail that usually goes unsaid. A jar for a lazy Sunday that one of you fills to the top and the other fills halfway is a useful, friendly bit of information.

It also works for couples who have been together a month or twenty years. New couples learn each other's tastes. Long-term couples discover that preferences drift, and that the jar that was full five years ago may be a quarter full now.

Forty jar ideas, sorted by mood

Pick eight to twenty for a shelf. The jar chart maker holds up to twenty jars, and the printable sheet fits sixteen.

• Cosy evenings: blanket and a film, cooking together, a board game, a puzzle on the table, an early night, tea on the sofa, a long bath playlist, reading side by side.
• Out and about: mini golf, a picnic, a long walk, a farmers' market, a new café, a day trip by train, stargazing, a museum afternoon.
• Food and treats: baking, brunch, a fancy dinner, street food, cooking a new recipe, ice cream in winter, a cheese board, breakfast in bed.
• Little gestures: handwritten notes, surprise flowers, a shared playlist, a photo on the fridge, a cup of tea brought without asking.
• Looking ahead: a weekend away, a new hobby together, redecorating a room, a garden project, a long holiday, a quiet year at home.

Add one or two jars that belong only to the two of you: the bench where you first talked, the song you both hum, the restaurant you always overorder at. Those are the jars you will both smile at.

How to run the evening

Keep the setup simple and the mood light.

• Choose a theme together. Date night, comfort food and weekend hobbies are all good starting points.
• Agree on the scale. 0 means not for me, 1 is a little taste, 3 is a happy yes and 5 is overflowing. Say it out loud first.
• Fill in separately. Sit on opposite ends of the sofa and keep your sheets to yourself. No hints.
• Reveal one jar at a time. Read out your numbers together, jar by jar, and talk about the biggest gaps.
• Choose three jars. Pick the three that are fullest for both of you and put them in the calendar.

Reading the shelves together

Look for three things. First, the matches: jars you both filled high are your sure-fire plans. Second, the surprises: a jar that is full for one and empty for the other is not a problem, it is a conversation. Ask what the jar means to them. Third, the quiet jars: ones you both left low, which tell you what to stop feeling guilty about skipping.

Differences are not a score against you. Two people with identical shelves would be rather dull. The point is to learn how much of each thing the other person wants, so you can plan outings that suit you both and trade fairly on the rest. If one of you loves a long hike and the other prefers a café stop, the hike-then-café day is right there on the shelf.

Make it a habit

Fill a fresh shelf every season. Winter shelves lean towards soup and blankets, summer ones towards picnics and long evenings outside. Save a photo of each and a year later you will have a tiny, honest record of how your tastes moved. It also makes gifts easy, because the fullest jars on your partner's shelf are the best hints you will ever get.

If you are planning a double date or a night with another couple, the guide to a jar chart template for friends has group formats, and the rate-your-friends template has a kind way to compare shelves around the table. New to the format? Read what the jar meme is first.